In my dreams…

I’ll apologize in advance for the self-indulgent and wallowing nature of this blogpost.  I know I’m peri-menopausal, and I can feel a bout of depression about to descend.  And I feel myself yearning for things I know I cannot have.


this apartment for instance.

Affordable, certainly, but impractical without any Max-factor.  And yet I so want to view it.

And then there’s
this car.

Again, impractical, but I want it.

And I’m toying with some faux self-analysis – why do I want these things? Do I only think I want them?  Am I mourning the fact that children and dogs are compromising my choices? Why do I need a wow-factor in my life..sorry..possessions?  Am I that shallow?

I suspect that living alone will precipitate more of these navel gazing type considerations.

But for now, I’m going to go view that apartment. No harm in looking!


What a fabulous weekend!  The sunshine makes everyone smile, and I had lotls of lovely little things happen to me, so I was feeling generally very at peace with the world.  I took Max to Drumkeeragh to enjoy the weather.

Bees buzzing around fluffy catkins

And what a might fine morn it was!  The sun was really hot, so I was soon delayered down to a light Tshirt and short trousers.  The birds were singing lustily, and the bees were buzzing…er..bustily.   I stopped and admired a little robin singing his heart out right at teh top of a tree, and then these large fuzzy bees round the catkins on this tree.  Mmmm, spring.

Everything Could Change

After Thursday, everything could change.

jemima in front of the just dance dome in Edinburgh

Firstly, Jem has her audition with Doreen Bird College.  She quite likes Bird, having attended a course there last Easter and being awarded the certificate for Hardest Working Student. But just getting a place isn’t enough: without a Dance and Drama Award (DADA) there’s no way we could afford it.  Even with a DADA it would be tough – living costs in London are eye-wateringly expensive, and as this would be higher education, not further education, she wouldn’t be able to get a student loan.  So all costs have to be funded real time.  The plus side is that when she qualifies she wouldn’t have a student loan to pay off.

I still feel that at barely 17, which she’d be in September, she’s too young to go off to London on her own. And she’s quite amenable to waiting for another year.  Her bf has 2 more years to do at Uni here, and she could start her Diploma at Belfast Metropolitan College, which has a good reputation for dance, particularly contemporary.

At exactly the same time as her audition, Rog has a hospital appointment to look at his heart.  If you were making a movie of my life, you’d be doing cut-away shots between the both.  I know he’s very anxious about this, and what it might mean.  Though I do think that anyone really worried about their heart should have an incentive to stop smoking. Anyhoo, concerns about his future are making it awkward for us to discuss our  future.  Having lived apart now for nearly 4 months, I prefer it this way, so if I’m going to find somewhere new to live I’d really like to start planning that sooner rather than later.  Though I suppose it could wait till we find out the result of J’s audition.

And it’s no surprise that I’m writing this in  the middle of the  night!


After a rather rainy Saturday, Easter Sunday dawned bright and sunny, so I took Max to our favourite walking place, Drumkeeragh Forest.  And we had the place to ourselves, so he could gallop and hurtle to his hearts content.  It was still cold – patches of snow lay unmelted in the shadow of the stone walls, and many of the puddles where the sunlight hadn’t yet hit were still glazed over with ice.  As Max lolloped along the gravel paths, his breath steamed out on either side of his head, and his tail was wagging in an almost circular fashion – he looked like a fire-breathing gyrocopter!

Now, a dog’s sense of hearing and smell is orders of magnitude better than a humans, but their eyesight is worse.  On more than one occasion, Max has leaped on what appeared to be solid ground, only to land with a splash, and emerge with a rather indignant look on his face, shaking off the excess water.  He did this again today, and once I had stopped laughing, I went to explore where he’d jumped, and found a little pond full of frogspawn, a sight I haven’t seen in years!  Spring is definitely on  the way, snow notwithstanding.

Here’s a little montage of today’s signs of spring, along with some photos taken last week with Roger’s new camera. Music is by Clannad.