What’s another year, eh? OK mes enfants, here is my take on this year’s Euroviz offerings.
TLDR – I think it’s Sweden’s year. Again. Though my personal favourite is Ukraine.
Themes this year: Suggestive Lyrics (SL), we love Italy (I), national selection controversy (NS) and earnest long notes (ELN)
Estonia – Espresso Macchiato
Bendy legged send up of Italian cliches. Will have its fans for sure! (I)
Iceland – Roa
Reykjavik’s answer to Jedward in bacofoil suits. Sounds like last year’s “Luktek”, but has a key change!
Poland – Gaja
Very long note, bondage backing singers (ELN)
Portugal – Deslocado
Nerd rock to fall asleep to, shoe-gazing stuff.
Slovenia – How Much Time
Upside down plaintive environmental plea (ELN)
Sweden – Bara bada basta
Well. Mans was a bit put out that his boring Revolution wasn’t chosed, but this is an extremely catchy number from a Finnish group sung in Swedish about having a sauna. You’ll be singing along and flinging your towel around your head by the end of it. Bookies fave, it’ll be beloved by the televote even if juries snub it.(NS)
Ukraine – Bird of Pray
My “instantly love it one”, gives me goosebumps. brilliant moment of silence, lovely chords. Not getting a lot of fan love, but the juries will like it. Doubt that Ukraine really wants to win, though.
Albania – Zjerm
Long haired songstress with orchestra, giving Kate Bush vibes (ELN)
Azerbaijan – Run with U
Ermmmmmmm. OK-ish synth pop.
Belgium – Strobe Lights
Blatant gay club anthem, dyed red hair, falsetto. Yeah it’s an impressive high note, but not particularly easy on the ear. (very ELN)
Croatia – Poison Cake
Yum yum nursery rhyme meets gothic (SL)
Cyprus – Shh
The hotel corridor from The Shining, 90s rave tune
Netherlands – C’est La Vie
Catchy! But does it stand out enough?
Norway – Lighter
Knights in shining armour, lots of pyrotechnics going on
San Marino – Tutta l’Italia
DJ and a granny. Is everyone being Italian this year? (I)
Armenia – Survivor
Compulsory to have a song with this title every year, clearly. Raucous vocals/ rap
Australia – Milkshake Man
Going for the comedy voters this year, with suggestive lyrics and an 80s feel. I really like the tune, but cringe at the puerile lyrics. I mean, sure your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but I’m trying to have me dinner here! Televote winner, jury thumbs down. (SL)
Austria – Wasted Love
Squawky falsetto from Cillian Murphy. Getting a lot of fan love (I don’t get it) (ELN)
Greece – Asteromata
A young Nana Mouskouri very demurely dressed, a refreshing contrast to all the porn show numbers this year
Ireland – Laika party
Autotuned chipmunk. What shall we make a Euroviz song about? I know, that first dog in space! I mean. Spaceman worked for the UK, so this is the logical next subject matter, right? Pleasant enough number, should make it through the semis OK, but will then plummet. “I’ve heard of her” Samantha Mumba lost out in the selection process, and was not best pleased. (NS)
Latvia – Burma Kim
Close harmony ethnic folk vibe from a girl group. I quite like this one, but I doubt it will win. Will be on my jogging playlist though!
Lithuania – Taca alps
In a straight jacket, angst ridden, tuneless. Could grunge win Euroviz? I doubt it. (ELN)
Montenegro – Dobredosil
Severe hair, black dress, red lip. Earnest. (ELN)
Czechia – Kiss kiss goodbye
More falsetto, more 90s rave
Denmark – Hallucination
Sparkly leotard body positive, but at least no visible buttocks. You-e-oo-e-oo. Hopefully will break Denmark’s non qualifying streak.
Finland – Ich Komme
Nothing left to the imagination, pole dancing and suggestive writhing. Televoters will be slobbering, jury anathema. (SL)
Georgia – Freedom
Wistful young singer in red ballgown
Israel – New Day Will Rise
Still using the current war situation to contrive heart tugging ballads. Pro Israeli diaspora will flock to it, but it’s bland and unmemorable, and really doesn’t deserve to win.
Luxembourg – La poupee mente le son
Meh, bit old fashioned, if catchy. But has a costume change!
Malta – Serving
Already had to be censored, let’s see if the audience fill in the missing word. It’s a decent song though, and the bouncing on yoga balls is bound to catch on. (SL)
Serbia – Mila
Gave up professional wrestling to deliver this power ballad. Probably best contender for this year’s Bond Theme Tune.
France – Maman
Previewed at the six nations, a powerful singer, and giving good odds with the bookies. It’ll be a jury darling, definitely left hand of the table.
Germany – Baller
Is there a tune? On subsequent listens, I quite like this. Strings.but smashing a cello? Oh those Germans!
Italy – Volev essere una duro
In need of a big plate of pasta. Kiss make-up
Spain – Esa Diva
Put the buttocks away!!! Sneak preview of the final costume suggests it’s more covered up, for which, gracias. Diva diva diva diva
Switzerland – Voyage
Interesting – speeds up and goes through several keys.
UK – WTHJH
What genre would you like girls? Yes! “Clutches at pearls” is a common phrase used on Mumsnet, they may well adopt this as their official anthem. Stands out. They can sing. Might manage to garner both televote AND jury points, so could be a …..nah, it’s not gonna win!
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Dancing At Lunacy 